Just A Dream

Listening to Carrie Underwood's Just A Dream
And suddenly I was thinking
Don't we all wish our life was just a long dream
sometime we just wish we would wake up
and everything is back to 'normal'
where we don't have to pay a high price for happiness
where sadness and loneliness and sorrowness is not more than just fairytales
and where we can play under the warmth of sun on the grass field all life long?
I don't know..
I sometime wish I would live in a perfect world
where I don't have to live with a secret
where I don't have to try so hard everyday to fake a smile
to cover my tears
to walk steadily when deep inside I can't even hardly breathe
where everything stays the same everyday
no one left, no one dies...
where I can just talk with people about stuffs that I don't even need a blog anymore to babble around and make people wonder, "what's the hell is he writin'?"
Oh that actually gimme an idea to write a song..
Thanks Carrie. for a girl who come from a trashy reality tv show, you're quite amazing..
*sigh*
Can't wait to go home tomorrow
Sadam almost convince me to stay and go back the day after but I was like, nah....
Nyte2 bloggers!!
love y'all....
Ahhhh.. Good to be back and babbling.

Farewell Bolt

*sigh*
what a life.. my friends convince me to not do all this luahan perasaan thingy on my wordpress blog because the blog is actually for educational purpose.. whatsoever..
today I found out that one of my hamster is dead..
Bolt.. it's not Usain Bolt ok!!
It's a she... a beautiful she..
I don't know.. That's why I always menentang keras when mom decided to buy my lil sis hamster.. They know nothing about that creature..
I myself don't really know anything about hamsters..
Well, I do know more than them though..
It's a shame to keep a hamster just so it can die just like that..
It's devastating.. They're such a beautiful God creature..

Ok, why am I sounding like a scripted speech-giver on some-I-don't-know-who-the-heck-are-you-one's funeral?

*sigh*
I just don't care..
While doing my paper today suddenly I remembered Tipsy, Flupsy, Emma, Betsy, Kingston, Gloria, Sasha and most of all... Panda
I don't know..
Sometime I figured out I'm just too lonely until I created such bond with such creature
Beautiful creature
My mom always get mad at me when I laugh with them. Or talk to them when I'm all alone in my room. Or talk to them when everyone else is asleep..
But who else should I talk to?
About my dark secret? About all these such unimportant-to-others-but-important-to-me stuff that I'm afraid people will laugh at and say, "You're such a child" if I ever talk to them about all those..
They never laugh at me or say, "If you do that I'll tell all your secrets to everyone"
Ok maybe because they aren't capable of doing both of that but it's just that..
When I'm with them I feel so happy..
Like how I felt when I'm with dad...
I hate feeling so alone and unneeded..
When I'm with them it was just like, they're filling my empty hearts with joys and make me remembered back all those how-happiness-really-feels-like stuff..
Geez... I'm sooo pathetic..
Whatever. I'm so going to get a cat when I'm working one day..
I don't need anyone else.. I think...
*sigh*
Farewell Bolt... Sorry I forgot your first name...

100 Questions (very long. don't read if u don't want to have eyeache...)

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. Last beverage: my sahur, nasik n ayam kari

2. Last phone call: sadam

3. Last text message: sadam (geez whether I'm a loser or we are a gay couple)

4. Last song you listened to : Glee-Faithfully

5. Last time you cried: Two post ago... hate it. Sheeshh....

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice : I've never even date once

7. Been cheated on : I don't think I have to answer that

8. Kissed someone & regretted it : I wish.... nah... maybe.... whatever...

9. Lost someone special: people come and go in our lives so yup

10. Been depressed: like, a lot of time!!

11. Been alone: always

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS:

12. black

13. red

14. any dark colour that represent rebellious-ness

THIS YEAR (2010) HAVE YOU:

15. Made a new friend: lots of them

16. Fallen out of love: hmmm.. yeah once. or maybe it's just a crush?

17. Laughed until you cried: with my new friends? hell yeah!

18. Met someone who changed you: maybe... not some.. a lot actually...

19. Found out who your true friends were: dunno

20. Found out someone was talking about you: maybe. should I care?

21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: gross! I don't kiss friends!

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: 20%

23. How many kids do you want to have: I hate kids. they're annoying. they keep asking us to make the same joke over and over again. stupid little cute creature!!

24. Do you have any pets: hamsters

25. Do you want to change your name?: nope. but I want to have a second name.

26. What did you do for your last birthday: nothing special

27. What time did you wake up today: 9.00 am..

28. What were you doing at midnight last night : watching Friends. why do you care anyway?

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: to get rich and have my own apartment

30. Last time you saw your Mother: couple weeks ago

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life : ermm.......

32. What are you listening to right now: addicted to Love The Way You Lie

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: what kinda stupid question is that? shesshh...

34. What's getting on your nerves right now: the fact that maybe I'll be dead before I can achieve my dream because of some sort of nuclear war?

35. Most visited webpage: facebook

36. Whats your real name: you stupid CIA! I'm not gonna give my name! wait you can already detect it right? pft.. whatever.

37. Nicknames: not something stupid like 'manja' or 'luq luq'

38. Relationship Status: messing around

39. Zodiac sign: virgo

40. Male or female?: bieber. hah! take that! confusing eh....

41. Elementary: sk sri beroleh

42. Middle School?: high school batu pahat

43. High school/college?: matrics johor, ukm

44. Hair colour: black

45. Long or short: afro

46. Height: last time I check is 18something....

47. Do you have a crush on someone : used to.. maybe still... no... dunno...

48: What do you like about yourself? : hmm?

49. Piercings: why?

50. Tattoos: where?

51. Righty or lefty: righty

FIRSTS :

52. First surgery: when I was seven...

53. First piercing: why would I pierce myself, if I may ask?

54. First best friend: ricky iskandar

55. First sport you joined: not my thingy

56. First vacation: Paris... I wish

57. First kiss: *sigh* never

58. First pair of trainer: trainer is a kind of shoes right?

RIGHT NOW

59. Eating: chocolate chip cookies

60. Drinking: mineral..... ups. I mean, treated water...

61. I'm about to: sleep

62. Listening to: the sound of the fan spinning

63. Waiting : to finish this stupid question

YOUR FUTURE :

64. Want kids?: babies? yes. kids? not a chance in hell.

65. Get Married?: nope. who want to be stucked with the same person for the rest of their lives?

66. Career?: teacher and part time designer? I dunno...

WHICH IS BETTER :

67. Lips or eyes: eyes

68. Hugs or kisses: hugs. the feeling of others warmth when they hug you is breathtaking.

69. Shorter or taller: taller

70. Older or Younger: older

71. Romantic or spontaneous: I like people who are gile2 so I'll say spontaneous

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: nice stomach

73. Sensitive or loud: I'm already doing the sensitive thingy so I'll say loud

74. Hook-up or relationship: relationship

75. Trouble maker or hesitant: is neither a choice?

HAVE YOU EVER :

76. Kissed a stranger: I really want to know what is it feels like

77. Drank hard liquor: I don't wanna get addicted and have a beer gut

78. Lost glasses/contacts: what?

79. Dye your hair: yup. black

80. Broken someone's heart: I hope I broke that motherfucker's heart!!

81. Been drunk: never

82. Been arrested: never

83. Turned someone down: like? be more specific dumbass!!

84. Cried when someone died: no I don;t cry. I'm actually a robot send from the future to protect John Connor

85. Fallen for a friend?: hmmm.....

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself: seldom

87. Miracles: yes. I believe in unicorn and fairy too.

88. Love at first sight: nope

89. Heaven: yup

90. Santa Claus: ho ho ho no.

91. God: yup

92. Angels: yup

93. Hopes: have any better option?

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: I never been in a relationship. how many time do I have to tell you?

95. Did you sing today?: yeah yeah whatever

96. Ever cheated on somebody?: if I ever saw one more question about relationship I am going to throw a tantrum.

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: back when I was a sperm and have nothing to worry about?

98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?: there's one day...owh that is this year....

99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: yeah.. it sucks in every way

100. Posting this as 100 truths?: and let everyone know i have nothing better to do? alright.

*I'm this close to throwing a fit!!*q

hmmm.... hurrmmm.... yeap.

oh shit I am soooo damn tired!!
but i felt guilty for leaving my blog unattended for sooo long.
well, I need to recuperate from all of this puasa-raya post-partum thingy you know..
hehehe?

ahem2. whatever it is I'm all back and well now
well although my roommate still plays sad raya song using loudspeaker I don't really care that much.
I've my own weapon. Playlist with heck full of English songs!!!
muahahahahahahahaha!!! How about that for a counter attack!! dush2!!
and when I felt bored with my playlist, I'll just watch Friends...
good show.. I wish I'm big enough to understand how good the series is when it is in it golden era... when everyone wants Rachael haircut and when Pheobe's fashion sense is still acceptable...

*sigh* I'm so tired... just finish the slide show for tomorrow presentation
I never know doing slide show is that hard
geez.... if I were to become a teacher (which I will) I'll prefer chalk and blackboard
but I can't stand the dust though....
hmmmmmmmmm...
now I know how hard it is to become a teacher
there's one subject called Teaching Profession which exposed to this whole thingy of being a teacher
man I was wrong when I say taking a TESL course is easier than chemical engineering or, you know, mere engineering. whatever.
sheesshhh... am I taking about study now here?
gosh.....
and one more thing-I HATE E-LEARNING!!!!!
it takes all the fun that is the internet!!
each time I went online the only thing that (have to) came into my mind is
"owh I have to open up www..... for my next assignment" or "I have to register at www..... to do exercises"
when is internet was all fun and no errr.... no fun?
I don't even have time to plant anything on my farmville
and my animals are starving in my zoo-which I feel so bad because I am an animal lover
sheessshhhh!!! damn it! damn it!!
owh... I'm sooo depressed..
and there are (actually, true) story about how a student was soo stressed he went cuckoo and cut his wrist and jump from the fourth floor of the building!
how cool is that!!??
imagine you're walking to class and suddenly, "ops, I just step on a body"
hahahahhahahahahahaha
but it didn't happen in my college though..
it happens at Pendeta Zaaba College which has a record of student died because of falling down the fourth floor too, but not suicide of course..
maybe it is a kind of curse?
whatever.
because it is so far away from here I can't go there and act all Nancy Drew and go investigate it
like how I did when someone broke into my room when I was in matrics
but that 'investigation' actually doesn't lead anywhere too....
but I still believe who(or maybe what)ever did that is a psycho...
I mean leaving the crime scene as neat as it can within a short period of time..
aaahhhhh... that is like the coolest day of my life..
I'm a victim!!! the other day I was a nobody and the next day, I am THE VICTIM!!!
hahahahahahahahaha
how cool is that? huh? huh?

owh I'm feeling very sleepy right now...
blame that for all the shits I wrote just now...
*yawn*
I'm feeling high with sleepiness...
maybe I am overdooze??? hahahahahahahahaha. get it? overdooze? hahahahahahahahaha.
till next time!!!

hmmmmm...
Ramadhan.....
what if... it was just a normal day..
~sigh~
i really miss my family right now....
i miss going to the bazaar and buy a heck lotsa food
i miss going to the shopping mall that plays all the raya songs non-stop to show how raya-spirited they are.... or at least to please their customer into spending all their raya budget there..
i miss the smell of new clothes, the liveliness, the tiredness of shopping all day long..
amd then when we went home we will unpack all the food and break fast together..
owh, shit! i damn miss that!!
i don't want to be stuck here!! there's no liveliness here!! i feel like i'm the only one fasting here!
God, how I miss matrics life...
after we break fast we will all went to the bathroom sink together to wash the dishes, the bathroom will be crowded, there'll be sound of footsteps and boy screaming outside (for reason God know why) and they'll sing raya songs with their lungs out..
i miss break fasting with afiq, azrai, sirad, lina, almas.....
i feel so pathetic break fasting alone
i feel like one of those widows whom the ex-wife left him with nothing... including his own property... well, that's what usually an ex-wife do, right?
ugh!
i wanna go home! this place is a shit!
not to mention the food price is so expensive!
geez, i wonder how people in KL survive.... their food expenses for a week is equal to my food expenses for a month if i were in Johor
go Johor!!
boo KL!! (although Bangi is in Selangor I insists KL-ians too are involve in this matter)
huhuhuhuhuhuhuhu..
back to the point
what if i want it to be a normal day?
just normal...
no puasa, no raya... no celebration
~sigh~
what am i talking about
I'm so stupid
I just miss my old man....
I miss him being there in his wheel chair..
breakfasting with us
I miss him bringing us to Pengeli to puasa and spend our first raya there..
I miss Tok Wok and her delicious ikan patin masak lemak cili api
I miss nenek and bibik preparing food together and we'll listen to the radio to know when to break fast and there'll be this one song that'll be played everytime after the azan...
I miss all of them....
sometime I felt like i have no one in this world
people come and go in my life acting like they leave nothing in my heart
for some reason I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone in this world
I'm not that good as a friend nor that I'm good as a son....
I have a hamster but they all died..
because I'm not good as their keeper...
I'm never there when they need me...
even if I'm there it doesn't bring any differences though.....
how I miss the good someone in my life
how I miss feeling life is as full as it can be
how I miss feeling like I don't need anything more in my life
when I play with hammy, when abah take us on vacation
the smile we all had when he made jokes while we on a boring trip to somewhere
how I miss the thing that is actually gone in my life...
things that will never come back....
I don't want any special day in my life
as I know that special day will never be as special as it was when they were all here..
and the price of growing up is kept being paid by me and the rest of the humans in the world
somehow i feels like my heart is being crushed more with a footsteps of people who has actually step into my life
owh shit!
look at me! talking bout feeling and stuff!!!
sheesshhh,......
this is why i hate spending Ramadhan here!
God, I deserve a good fucking pair of jean when I get back home!!

*moan*

wake up in the morning feeling like - no, not P. Diddy - a shitty...
geez.. that sound almost like a slutty....
sore throat, shortness of breath, you name it
ugh... just a reminder on how much i hate fever..
thank God it doesn't mess with my sinus thingy...
hmmm.... that's weird. it didn't mess with my sinus thingy...
in the morning when i wake up i don't feel like doing anything (ok. i know i'm not a morning person and everyday when i woke up i don't feel like doing anything but this is a whole different thing)
i feel like just lay there on my bed and play dead.. hoping i can get over with this fever thingy...
but i keep eating greasy and spicy food
you can't blame me, though. i'm not going to spend my day eating soup! i've feel shitty enough!
and this ptptn thingy... are they, like, asleep the whole time?
i've been calling, like, most of the time and no one (there's better be no one. i can't find any other logical reason. i mean, asleep? are you kidding me?) is there to answer my calls....
dah la i'm already considerate enough to call them as i don't think i want to talk with anyone with my sore (very sore) throat and Macy Gray's voice..
i really don't feel like talking to anyone.....
i feel like lying there in my bed doing nothing until the fever vanish on their own...
ugh....
let alone sings in the choir for the convo ceremony...
nah, i'll just mime...... (although i think my sexy voice will bring a difference in that rather boring choir)
plus, it's not my fault i have to call them (like the last time i have to admit i didn't checked properly. or maybe it is just her luck. or maybe my bad luck)
i mean, who put a deceased man as the penjamin?
that's sooo stupid. how am i supposed to get his signature
well, although i won't mind him coming to give me his signature... i miss my old man..
hmm... whatev.
and what with my roommate?
haven't heard of this magnificent invention called THE EARPHONES is one thing..
playing lagu raya when we're not even fasting yet is another!
i mean, he's a nice guy..
he helped switched off the fan when he sees me grabbing my brown elderly-looking sweater and shivering with cold... and help putting my hanger back at its place when i dropped it, trying to get my sweater. plus, he looks concern.. (although i thank God he didn't come to me and do the i-pull-your-blanket-to-cover-you-cause-i-know-you-are-cold-and-i'm-concern or whatever you called it thingy.. that would be freaky)
as much as i don't (really) like him, i can say i felt a little bit errr... terharu
ok. now i sound like a sick, dying person.
back to this lagu raya thingy... it's not like i hate it..
it's just that... i hate the memory that come with it..
you'll never know unless you've lost a lot of someone in your life
i just hate the fact that i keep comparing the latest (i can't seem to find other suitable words) raya wuth the past one..
the one that is more lively, cheerful.. not just sit there on the living room watching entah ape2 show that aired on the television... (although many kids think it is totally appropriate nowadays)
why can't i just moved on already?
for some reason, on certain level, i'll hate hari raya like how Uncle Scrooge hate christmas (pe kne mngene uncle scrooge?)
the point where i'll lose more someone in my life and there i'll be
sitting alone in my lovely apartment with it walls painted dove gray
watching entah ape2 shows on my big-screen plasma television
on the first day of raya......
as gloomy as it may sounds.. especially when the walls is painted with dove gray colour..
hmmm...... maybe i'll adopt a cat. or maybe a chimpanzee.
and then i can sleep with a bunch of kids and be the next Michael Jackson...
great.
i'm going to continue lying on my bad now...
until i can feel less shitty and stop saying crappy stuff...
till then
xoxo

fren fwen fwenzy!!

long time no blogging...
long time not feeling this shitty..
maybe because i have to do my laundry all over again because it is raining and i'm stuck in dectar singing choir (but i doubt the rain actually fell bcause of my singing, seriously)
tired... and i'm feeling like catching a fever..
don't get me wrong
i don't want the fever.. it's just a phrase
i remembered my conversation with afiq;

me: aku rase cam nak dmam arrr
afiq: da ko yg nak dmam, jdinye dmam arr! hawaw!
me:errrrr.... g mkan yok. lapo arr..

hmmmm.... how i miss that guy and his mulut-laser-attics that most of the time got me giggling and mnyinggul2 him as a sign of warning and reminder for him to actually be polite (kalo ngan lecturer ngan makcik cafe poun nak laser ta bragak arr weyh...)
and sometime make me feel very kecik hati... hurrrmmmm...
making friends in university is quite hard because
we're so far away
and we seldomly hangout together unless when we have or after class
hurrrmmm...
thank God i got a pretty cool coursemates that is actually are almost as crazy as i am
it's not like i don't have a cool and crazy coursemate before
crad, almas, lina, amil and my physical20 friends..
u guys are the coolest!
but....
kowang tak lyn Lady Gaga like they actually do!
hahahahaha
sometime bes gak kalo ade owng yg kite leyh share with our music interest
kan? kan? kan?
hmmmm..... what else to babble about?

while listening to Taylor Swift's Forever and Always ttibe terigt plak nasihat mak akue (pe kne mngene?)

mak: man ni jgnla kawan kalo ngan owng tu owng tu jek la smpai ke akhr hyt....pe kes? nak kwn tu biarlh (ala2 Bob Kuman dlm citer Jutawan Fakir) berjuta juta juta...
me: errrr..... apekah?

ntah arr..
i think it is better for me to befriend with only that person but have a true everlasting friendship rather than befriending with (ala2 Bob Kuman dlm citer Jutawan Fakir) berjuta juta juta friends but none of the is actually a true friend of yours.. (generally speaking, yours. specifically, mine. get it?)
don't you feel the same shit?
i mean i'd rather not have a friend at all than actually have a fake friend
i don't know how to fake a smile
so, what make you think i can actually fake a friendship?
i don't go around being sooo-not-myself and talk to some stranger guys about hows the soccer game last night or nice bike...is it 125erz? (or whatever the name is)
i talk fashion, gaga. so what?
if you think i am weird you can go screw yourself and call that fucking normal
and i am so tak tahn with person who actually see me sitting alone or eating alone and then come to me and ask me, "knape mkn sorang2 ni? kwn mne?"
what the...
i am no fucking kindergarten kiddo who needs a potty training anymore, ok?
(no offense to all the cute kids out there)
i am 19 going 20 and i can take a good fucking care of myself
i don't need your sympathy to stand on this cruel world
i already have my own fucking feet, thank you.
(wow, i'm being so polite tonight.. what has gone into me? 'thank you'? pft..)

huh...
and i am warning to all of you who is reading my blog out there
don't comment or say anything about my post in front of my fucking face, ok?
this is my blog and i'm gonna write any fucking things that i want either it is personal or not
imma bitch, yo! (ttibe nak rap)
wtv
i think i'm gonna get going and wash this... ugh! irritating clothes that can't seem to be aware of the rain and just sit there on the ampai waiting for the rain to wash them again
i hope apollo will be nice to me tomorrow...
peace out!
xoxo

a small shit in life

at home...
with my dearest flu....
owh shit
i was ok jek when i'm at ukm and now i catch a cold already...
a sign?
nahh.....
i dunno-lah....
here's some dialogue that i had with the doctors (or pgawai klinik brpngkat rndah tpi blagak bgos) these last few days

SITUATION 1

me: akak, nk jumpe dr arr... errmm... (ngan nada malu) tercekik tulang
akak kaunter: (yg aku prasan cam nak trgelak poun ade diek) arr... dik g emergency ea.. kat sane uh.
me: thnx
*g emergency the doors all locked and bile balik kaunter.... nobody's there

SITUATION 2

*went to the same clinic (ukm clinic)... meet the doctor already, doctor told me to go to the hospital to have x-ray... went to the counter...
akak kaunter: nah. adek amek surat ni and g hospitel
me: (ngan muke blur2 manje) sendiri?
akak kaunter: (ngan tenang) ha-ah. sendirik.
*and then followed by status fesbuk yg mncarot, mncaci maki phk klnik trsebot...
and then aku poun blk umah...

SITUATION 3

*went to clinics here at bp... swasta nyer.. thought everything going to be fine... but the dr is quite moody... sigh~
dr: sye akn beri awk antibiotik for the nanah..
me: tulng tu camner?
dr: mcm mne!? bio je la? sape nak korek!?
me: errr... ok! thnx! (smbl kuar ngan cpat and think: "seblom die wat aper ngan ak baek aku lari!!!!")

***************************************************

and that's how it went..
i think it is stupid
it is just a fucking fish's bone...
just one..... fucking fish's bone....
so now i'll just eat this BIG pills (yg mngigtkan ak kpade pil (pil ke?) yg dorang msokkan kt bontot budak kalo bdak tu dmam pns... igt x? that large pill? (pill ke?)) and hoping my white blood cell will eventually eat the fishbone until there'll be fishbone no more!!!
wooohooo!!!!
hmmmmm.......
now i'll remember...
always take my breakfast before lunch
so that i'll will not eat gelojoh-ly and telan fish's bone...
and always ask the pakcik cafe, "ni ikan ape ek?"
(although that pakcik cafe look scary... i mean, like, menggode kind of scary.. ewww....)
hmmm......

and one more thing, kalo ade sesape offended ke whatsoever with my last post..
i'm so sorry....
i'm just soooo mad, you know..
my mental is quite unstable already...
i mean, like, seriously!? i talk politics!?
pft!
that's soooo not me
hahahahahaha

ok then
gotta chow...
this big pills making me feel kinda....
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

omg

omaigosh!!!
hectic uni life!!!
i hate it!! but i kinda like the independent part of it
it's like i'm already a grown up man doing things all by myself
(ngan lgu celine dion-all by myself brmaen sbagai lgu latar)

omaigosh!!!
i have to use my voices to the max here...
i got nasyid (can't believe i actually msok nasyid) and choir practice
and it'll get all hectic during this musim convo!!
practice night and day
gosh!!!
tired meyh...
and i still got this fuckin fish bone stuck in my throat...
hey, know wat?
there's one rachel berry in my nasyid group who think he is better than anyone else
well, guess what?
i'm following mercedes's advice:
"i am no kelly rowland. i am beyonce"
i always sing louder and with pitch higher that him
so he'll feel bengang!!
muahahahahahahaha!!
but bcoz my voice is not that loud (bak kate akak kat pjabat kolej uh, halus)
it don't really work
huhuhuhuhuhuu

omaigosh!!!
taw tak an like mase naek bas tadi
ade la sowang mamat arab neyh
bas tu ssak an so die soh ak msok dlm lgi (dlm english arr die ckp)
tpi sbab ak da nk smpai dstinasi ak
so ak nak ckp arr taper, ak da nak trn dah
ngan bngenye ak brbicare dlm bahse english, my second language
"it's ok. i'm going to (stuck) TURUN at the next stop"
wakakakakakakaka
pastu ak ngan klassmate ak dok gelak sokmo
huhuhuhuhu
mamat arab tu da blur jek tgk kitowang glak
die ckp, "it's ok2."
huhuhuhuhu
ntah paper jek ak.. wat malu kaum teslian tol arr....

omaigosh!!!
and ak bru taw
biasiswa kpm only applicable to ipg and upsi student jek
fuck you, kpm!!!
i need money you friggin bastards!!! arrggghhh!!!!
i mean, no offense to ipg student tpi bkan kowng da ade allowance ke?
and upsi students
they only wear kmeje and suar slacks jek kowt..
they don't need that much money anyway
we, on the other hand, need money to buy clothes and stuff
i mean, takkanla nak msok klas with don't-u-just-wear-this-shirt-yesterday appearances....
huhuhuhuhu
i need that friggin money
i swear to God ak takan skong krajaan nnti mse ak da bleyh ngundi bcoz they don't give us university students enough money while they go berjoli-ing and building parliament's house (unnecessary: those ministers have enough house already) and palaces (fuckin unnecessary: those raje have enough palace already and they seldom use it and they let it become empty so that the crew of misteri nusantara can continue carik makan selling ridiculous ghost stories)
now, no wonder uni student bnyk brpihak kt parti pmbangkang....

omaigosh!!!
i talk politics!!!!
what happening to me!!!???
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bloody good movie

ok i have, like, ten more minutes to use this brodband
so i'll make this short and quick
which husband do you prefer
a) a sparkling 'dead' husband who drinks blood, or
b) a husband that can go into your dream, plan an idea and make you go crazy and suicide?
none?
you are boring.....
hahahahaha
just watch eclipse (maybe i'm the last to watch it, but whatever) and inception
two movie combo for one day!!
hahahahaha
first timer
i have no complaints for Eclipse
i mean, when people say how sucks New Moon is, i was like, "are u out of ur mind? it was good. i can definitely feels bella's pain!"
and my sis was like, "wat the heck....."
so i was bad at judging movies....
but Eclipse is quite good
can't believe i almost went for team Jacob
i mean, in that movie Jacob is very kesian lorh...
getting himself injured badly, trying soo hard to impress Bella and convince her that she love him
sometime i was like, "prasan gile mamat ni. da orang ta suke tu da arr... (over skejap)"
but he's kinda sweet
i like it in the end of the movie he said to Bella he'll not give up even after Bella's heart stop beating (meaning: become a vampire)
awwww.............
but why am i on team Edward?
well, let just say i would rather Bella to be sparkling, pale vampire than hairy overtanned werewolves
plus the werewolves clan look soooo old-fashion
it's like they're still living in the red indian era
at least the vampire clan look modern and fashion forward
so, team Edward it is for me
team Jacob can suck it :p

and then Inception
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
like the best movie of 2010!!!
this Nolan guy is a fuckin genius at making movie I tell ya!
and Leo Dicaprio is still as charming as ever
ahhhh....
his character is quite the same as in the Shutter Island
i mean, loving dad, romantic (quite) husband but married to a psycho
the only difference is in Shutter Island his wife is like naturally psycho
but in Inception, he make his wife a psycho
get it?
poor Leo's character... he deserved better
hmmmm..... whatever
but Shutter Island ain't got nothing on Inception!
it is the best
although i'm still a lil' bit confused with all this dream in a dream in a dream in a dream shit
but by the the movie start rolling the element of suspense start filling the cinema theater (hahahahaha... bahse skema)
but it's damn true!!!
i almost bite the mineral bottle cap out of the bottle itself!
i was like, "cpatla! cpatla! aaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!"
and the ending was great!
but it's still a sad ending though
i just hope the fuckin top stop spinning already!!
poor that guy
he have been through so much already
you're probably confused with what i'm talking about and maybe some of you went, like:
"owh this mamat ngarot cam biasak arr..."
you know what i'll say?
well, i'll say, "get your ass off the couch and go watch inception already because it is bloody good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

miss memory, stand up please

i ask azrai
"normal tak kalo aku lebeyh rndukan hmster2 ak yg da mti
dri famili aku sendirik?"
and then I ask myself
I think I know the answer best
after a long thought of think that should've been felt (like usual-lah)
I think....
mungkin lbeyh baek kalo kite knangkan mmori yg ta bgitu mnyakitkan
dripade knang bnde yg lbeyh mnyakitkan?
I mean,
I love my hamster so damn much
but it's nothing compared to my love to abah, nenek, tok wok
all my friends that were separated through time
and now, i'm in my room, alone
in this big fucking university
I can't even find someone that can replace their place
I mean, my fren-la....
takkan my abah and tok wok and nenek pulak....
aish!
I hate memory
memory is like the cruel, evil queen
always give attention to the slightest details
making us remember the whole shit, like, forever
I wonder why that doesn't work out during lecture or exam...
hmmm....
gotta go la
sadam is here
so taleyh arr upload lebeyh2
intruder alert!!!
ugh....
ciaou...

listening to we the king feat. demi lovato- we'll be dreams
i love demi's voice in that song!
hahahahahaha
it's kinda lame i don't have anything to blog@babble about now
like how the water crisis here ruin my mood
guys and water crisis is never a good combination, fyi
once you enter a toilet on a water crisis....
you'll never even want to look at choki2 again.........

what a life here
like, when i first start blogging i've promised to myself i'll never talk about my life here
i thought of writing poem...
songs and stuff...
fashion blogging a lil' bit.....
but now in each post i keep on babbling about my life
i wanna go back to my writing songs day!!!!!!!!!!!!
waaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!
life quite boring and dull here......
what the heck!!!
KL is like not far away from here
but i still feel nothing
well, seriously
i only feel lively when i'm in KL
the atmosphere.....
the hectic environment....
the fashion.....
owh my God
people in KL have good taste when it comes to fashion
almost each woman that passed by me
the phrase "nice heels" came into my mind......

weyh seyes ak da tader pape lgi nk post
mampos arr wat penin paler plak ak nak pke ape nk tulis
blog ak suketi aku arr nak update ke nk bio brsawang ke
n plus, i'm not the kind that tell story kayh...
story of my life
what the heck!
hmmmm... pasni upload gambo arr
ugh... so whatev!

i need a sip of creativity

i thought of uploading some pic
but because this wifi is lamely slow
like how they sell air kumbahan yang dirawat instead of mineral water in the cafe
or the lousy bus driver who's very 'punctual'
i don't think there'll be any picture uploading tonight
(pe kne mngene?)

well, whatever....
so i remember about how i told hajar to try to write a song
u know she's resting after she had this accident
and told me she was bored in her recuperating period
so i told her to write a song
so i remember she told me how her mother actually help to clean her wound involving this knife and stuff
i don't really know how to explain it
but tabek spring at her mom!!!
i'm bad with sharp clinical metal shit
like their scalpel, scissors and stuff
because i always have a thought that they were so sharp they can cut you even if you slightly touch them
and i have serious problem with blood
real blood
but i have no probs with fake blood they use in the movie
yes, i know. i'm weird
so i told her
try to write a song about your mom
like (i came out with a brilliant tittle):
The Guardian Angel With A Knife
and she's............ scared
ok, there's nothing scary or psycho about that tittle ok
it's more like emo
so while she's still struggling with the lyrics i came up with a bits
it sound like this:

Guardian angel with a knife
Takes out my scar tissue and let the new one grows
Heal my wounded heart
And keep me from falling apart

smart, no?
i don't know my creativity level has been down this few weeks
hmmm......
wtv
oh wait
maybe there'll be a pic
hmmmm...
next post
ciaou!! ^^
peace love music gaga

errrrrrrrrrrrr................ whatever

so i followed this blog
Kami Sayang Kucing
and they post a lot of shit!!!
pnoh dashboard aku... hahahaha
well, no offense here
i love cats. really really love cats.
because they can understand their master more
like listening to them when they talk to you about their probs
and not bite their owner's hand when we try to belai2 them
hear that lucy!!!!!
ahem ahem
but their post is, like, so kindergarten-ish
no fact just story
hmmmm.....
story ntah paper plak tuh
the three musketeer la
kucingku dipatok ular dan matila.....
soooooooo retard!

so ak blk umah this week
but except for spending rm50 at the pcfair and eating at kenny rogers
i did nothing
i thought of watching eclipse
(it's kinda lame because maybe i'm the last person on earth still haven't watch it)
how cruel
you know
being umat di akhir zaman
one day is, like, an hour
u close ur eyes open ur eyes, close ur eyes open ur eyes
(literally: pejam celik pejam celik)
and then the day is over already
ugh
that still doesn't count sleeping, waiting for the red light to turn green, yawning, qeueing at the counter, tolerating some bitch on the road....
hmmm......
i'm becoming very rude nowadays
there's this one time ade sowang pompuan ni drive like %$@*& and i was like:
"u stupid bitch!!!!"
and aded couple ni brplok2an in the comuter and i was like:
"get a room!"
with an annoyed face
am i turning into some kinda outspoken bitch now?
i mean i always try to sound sarcastic
(because i always thought it was kinda funny)
without sounding rude or impolite
but just so u know
it's hard
hmmmm...
what am i talking about again?
this is what u get when u have no idea what to blog about but u still feel the need of posting something on it because u don't want it to be berkepok....
wtv
wanna promote my dearest friend, fatin's blog on facebook
fatin, i totally understand this 'woman's hint' thingy ok?
don't worry babe *wink2*

p.s. i dare to said that woman a bitch because she had all her car windows closed and i'm pretty sure she won't hear me and about the comuter stuff, i just ckp dlm hati only.... muahahahahahahahaha!!!!

love layali-san

before ak stat
nak thanx aten coz promote my blog
u're being too kind girl...
but don't expect me to promote ur blog
muahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

well tgh chat ngan kakak yg baek dri german niyh
die kte mgu lpas die tron kl tpi mlu nak kontek ak...
hahahahaha
sdangkan bru mgu lpas aku tron kl kowt...
tpi g midvalley jek la....
hahahahaha
she's soooo nice ^^
and she said she love malaysia and hate germany
i asked her why
because i sometime feel like i hate malaysia too (no offense here)
when i see pictures of other country and i was like:
"why can msia be that beautiful??"
i mean, like, wide grassland, beautiful mountains and stuff....
but she said it like she really mean it
like: "i hate germany" and "germany sucks totally"
and i asked her why
she said msia got lots of tech and entertainments
and she add
in german she can't even walk freely without someone bothering about her hijab
and she says people there is selfish
and only watch their own ass (yes, she cursed)
and she even considered staying and working here
she's soooooo fuckin sweet (yes, we both cursed a lot. sweet right?)
and it's kinda freaky
but she really understand me!!
can u hold for a sec?

"go to sleep lucy!!! ur attics is cute, like, the first ten thousand times i see it!! ugh!!"

interruption..... sorry. my hamster. hahahaha
where was i again?
owh
u know people who, like talk a lot in the virtual world of online, doesn't talk too much in the real world right?
well, except for people i really2 know
so i tell her
she might be shocked to know i'm shy and quiet outside
although i speak a lot online
and she say it's ok
if she meet a shy person she'll talks a lot until that person will become comfortable
she's sooooo nice
she also give me her msia phone no so i can call her if she ever come here again
hahahahaha
so sweet!!!!
i can't wait to hangout with u, sis layali-san!!
owh wait
she also said the only job she can do there with hijab is cleaner!!
that poun work with her brother jek
ugh!
i hate discrimination like that!!
and she also said before she wears hijab she work as a manager at a telecommunication company!!!
God!!!
well, i tell her if she wanna come here and work in malaysia i'll be welcoming her with an open arm ^^
and my sister said:
"u believe everything she said?"
wat do u think i am!?
i ain't naive!!!
ok maybe i've been lied to many times before like when the pakcik jual tiket bas don't give me my ticket although i had paid for it and then claim he already give me the ticket and i have to buy another one but i promise that would be the last time!!!
i swear!!!
plus, she seems nice....
whatever
maybe we should just wait and see

and hey!!
i forget to tell you
when in the comuter
i saw this two guys
they're like sooo kewl i think if i were a girl i'll definitely fall for them
erk
that's a lil' weird
but i'm tellin the truth
they look sooo kewl
and this one cool scruffy guy kinda remind me of tyson ritter (if i spell his name right) of the all-american rejects
and then i look at myself
regular shirt... regular tak-basoh-sminggu jeans....
hurrrmmm.....
and i remember azrai said to me:
"tak ape. tu mmg stail ko. cam owang tue"
hurrrmmm.....
wtv
nyte
ciaou
peace love music gaga....

life's so confusing!!!

ugh this is soooo stupid
this is all because kakak post the pic of abah and mak on her blog
i mean, i'm all alone here in university
i can't go to my room and cry if i feel sad
(ahem2.. my roomate)
and the bathroom is far from my room
ugh!
i hate it here!!!
this is so confusing!!
i felt happy just now but now i feel sad!!
ugh!!!
i hate it........
and i just eat nasi goreng, megi cawan and oat to satisfy my midnight cravings
and now my stomach feel semacam after drinking this water from the water cooler which i suspects is actually a tap water but because the cafe only sell air kumbahan yang drawat which i'll never drink so i'm still going to drink this cold tap water although my stomach feel very uncomfortable right now....
waaaaaaaaaaaaaa............
the world hate me!!!
i miss my dad.... :'(

i dreamed a dream

ewwwwww!!!
can u guys guess what i see just now
man walking topless with an abs full of hair!!!!
gross!!!
it won't be that gross if the one that's walking is jacob black
or maybe daniel radcliffe
eww! eww! eww!!
this is what i say about having to tolerate boys behaviour
at least at matriculation they're not that matured to be that hairy!!!
ugh!!!!
delete this image from my mind please......

(1 minute and twenty-two fashion hits later.....)
hi guys!!!
it sucks u know when when u're not online the idea come mncurah2 on what to post on ur blog but when u online.... blank
so i just wanna share with u...
i went to the choir team audition...
it's really fuckin scary cause in that audition u have to sing a song of ur choice solo...
God!!!
i've never sing in front of others before
and i only sing loudly at home when nobody's home
when i'm cleaning the house
(that usually followed by some dirty dancing involving the broom stick)
so it's like my very very very very very very first time.....
i'm sooooo nervous i think i'm gonna puke
huhuhuhuhuhu
but i made it!!!!!!!!!!!
in my solo i sang Mariah Carey's Hero
and i think they love ma sexy, sultry, beautiful voice
i'm tellin ya!
but they put me in the tenor
what a waste of talent
they should put me in the auto or the soprano
i can really reach the high not ok....
but tenor
they just sing 'normal' not....
whatever
i'm still grateful though
although my beautiful voice will sink in the voices of maybe hundreds of others in the choir team....
sigh....
hey wait!!!
i still can't find a new crush here...
hmmmm....
people here are boring.....
and i dream of my old crush last night
(don't think dirrty please..... ugh! u guys are sooo retard)
in that dream
i'm the villain and that particular person is a hero
and we're ex
kinda like gi joe u know....
sienna miller and channing tatum
sienna is channing's ex in the movie who turn into an evil villain
and channing is the hero in the movie
but deep inside they still love each other
so sienna and channing have to fight both their feelings and forces of evil..
everybody now: aaahhh......
so in my dream my crush is a clumsy (think: inspector gadget) hero with a, i can say, useless sidekick
and i'm like the coolest villain of all time with a, i can say, useless sidekick...... or maybe a team. i can't quite remember
so i fight my crush but at the same time i pity my crush because my crush is, well, my crush
i don't wanna embarassed my crush but why does my crush have to be sooo stupid?
i mean i have a reputation to keep here
well, that's all in my dream
i'm not the coolest person ever
and my crush is not a stupid person
but i woke up that morning with a smile
i was like, "if this is a movie it'll surely be a fuckin box office!!!"
wowwww.....
i do have a lot of imagination...
like this one time i remember dreaming
hari kiamat is going on and i was like,
"oh shit! aku tak bertaubat lagi neyh!!"
and my mom was like so calm and said to my other siblings,
"taper2... kite da bertaubat"
hahahahahahaha
i was soooo relieved it was only a dream
coz it was like fuckin real!
i was fuckin scared i think i'm going to do solat taubat on the spot!!
huhuhuhuhu
ok whatever guys
i'm sleepy already
bye!!!
peace love music gaga
xoxo.....

hmmmmmm

when I enter matriculation college owang ckp it'll be the toughest of all
tpi I think compared to U life, matrics is, like, kindergarten
you have to do, like, everything here!!
wait
why am I talking like I'm actually writing a formal essay?
ugh!
look what've gotten into me.....

I really miss my friend at matrics
and it good to know that I'm actually not the only one
I mean, I don't wanna be the one people will say,
"move on, already, freak! u're not a kid anymore! toys can't talk and babies don't come from belly button" at....
sigh...
that's why
I wish I am and will always be a kid

eating lemau chipsmore biscuits (blieve me they taste better once they're lemau)
listening to Glee-faithfully over and over again
and watching Fred Figglehorn to have a little laugh....
it's kinda weird it's a little boring here
I don't know people here don't match what I imagine before I came here
even my classmates
but I don't know maybe things will get better eventually
well, I met this kind senior name Joy
she's so sweet and I'll never give her my facebook address because I put my blog link in it and I don't want her to know I think her sweet
she keep saying she'll give me her old note
and I don't know how to response to that
should I say:
"you're soooo nice"?
what if she say:
"what you think I'm not nice ha?"
plus '"you're soooo nice" sound kinda gedik and weird right?
plus she's a girl and I'm a boy
"you're soooo nice" should never come out of my mouth
it has to be a little bit more manly like:
"thank you, miss."
errrr.... not?
so what should I say then?
but trust me, " you're sooo nice" is like the first thing that ever come to my mind
I mean since the first day she keep offering me her note
and saying I'm her direct(?) junior
because people keep saying, like, it's hard to approach senior
so I was like shocked when the senior actually approach me
ok ok. here's one more line that came across my mind:
"I don't know kind people like you still exists in this cruel world"
overreacted, eh?
hmmmmm......
I don't know
then I meet this girl, my classmate
she called herself Peng
but her real name is Syuhada
so I came out with a theory where 'peng' come from
so people are calling her 'syud' which sounds like 'shoot'
and when you shoot someone the sound is like 'peng!' right?
so that's my theory where the name Peng come from
intelligent, eh?
she kinda remind me of patty by the way she talk but she's less becok
hahahahaha
so then the other guy in my class, Asri
quite quiet guy... dunno maybe kitorang ta skepale kowt...
oh, and he's from kelantan
would I sound racist if I say I don't wanna be friend with the malay student here because most of them are from utare and speak in strong accent and I don't wanna (tnpe disedari) follow their accent? you know, like, Madonna? speaking in fake Brit accent? so is it racist if I just befriend with the chinese or people from johor, kl or anywhere that don't have accent? waaaaaaaaaaa............ it's so confusing.....
but asri is quite nice and he didn't speak too pekat accent
and then my other classmate Pei Si
she looks confused
I don't know why... but she look confused
and kelam kabut like that larr...
hehehehe... so cute
errrrrrr.... forget what I just said
so this mean I won't be giving my facebook address to her too
hmmmmmmm...........
tomorrow got no class
but I hhave nothing else to blog about
so till then
ciaou
peace love music gaga

after a week

hey guys, it's me again!!!!
huhuhuhu
long time no blog lorr...
so things here don't really go as my expectation
most of it
so after 1 week of motherfucking tiring orientation week,
let's mncarot marot maki hamun all about it!!!!
yeay!!!!
it's 12.41 now....

so first
my roomate
he talks in very weird accent arr
kjap2 "hangpa" is "kau", kjap2 "depa" is "kau"
"depa" tu bkan "korang" ke?
whatever roomate!!!!
you should join us Johorians and started dumping that weird accents of yours
our life is sooo much simpler
ahhh... I'm so thankful to God 4 making me a Johorian
and then he was too nice (read: nerdy)
aku igt ak akn dapat roomate yg giler2
now I miss my supadoopa annoying ex-roomate at matrics... :(
I mean it's not a bad thing that he's a nice person
but 4 some unknown reason he make me feels like a bad guy most of the time
and he talks with a volume almost mute!!!
he make me sounds like a deaf oldies going "ha?" each time he said something..
waaaaaaaa.....
I hate it here!!!!
and there's a lot of bdak2 utare kat siney
I decided to only befriend with the Chinese so that I won't trikout2 their slang
sooooo scary bleyh x...
imagine ak balek umah and said this,
"lamo ambo tok balik ghumah... ghindu eh ghasonyo...."
noooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
see?
I'm doing my fred-scream already so u should know that this is really2 serious!!!
ugh!

plus, being in asrama means I actually have to cope with boys behaviour all over again like in matrics....
sigh....
tomorrow classes start
assignment
course works
waaaaaaaaaaaaaa............
actually I have nothing more to babble about
so ciaou

waaaaa...........

sedeyh giler...
aku da tataw nak ckp per da..
I'm so f**kin worry about my life kat U nnti..
tkout giler kalo taleyh survive..
da la tader geng...
and baru igt nak hangout ngan kakak....
kakak bru jek blk due mgu n due mgu tu jgakla sibok ngan preparation nk gi U niyh...
shait har!!!
huhuhuhuhu
pastu caner kalo dpt roomate yg trok?
da la stu blk pat owang pastu ktel double decker lak tu!!!
shait!!!
owh...
I'm scared arr..
huhuhuhu
well I'm quite a pessimist didn't I?
hmmmm.....
let see the bright side
well, I get the course that I've always wanted
and maybe I can make new stylish friend
soooo excited about that (think:Gossip Girl)
hmmmmm....
now I just have to get out of my very100x comfort zone
and go out there and shake the world!!!
ok, maybe the university only
or maybe just the double decker bed..... if i sleep on the top.
hmmm....
I just rase brat giler arr nak prgie....
huhuhuhuhu
and I haven't watch Eclipse and Sex And The City 2 yet...
I mean I tried to buy the pirated cd (I'm soo desperate)
but the quality is very10x low....
waaaaaaaaaa..............
I wanna watch SATC2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aish....
bratnyer nak tglkan umah neyh...
rse sedeyh sgt.....
nseb baek arr pas ak abes blajo jdik ckg jek leyh ade bnyk cuti...
hmmm....