Happy Father's Day

suffering from back pain!!!
brmaen laptop sambil mniarap
esok dpt katil baru.... ngee~
can't wait after spending two nights sleeping on the floor
but I feel kinda sad tonight...
I seriously can't figure out why
maybe it's this Father's Day shit
and the fact that I've not celebrate it long enough to forget when it is celebrated
~sigh~
I miss abah.....
I miss all the things we used to do together
I hate growing up
I hate the fact that time was never a friend of mine
and for some unknown reason I keep reminiscing all the memories
even the smallest bits of it
like all the fun thing abah do just hilangkan our kebosanan when we're on a long trip
he'll told us to spell the name of the shop we passed
and then he'll do some singing or silat to hilangkan ngantok
or give us teka teki
damn we can have fun, like, wherever we are
I miss all of the past
my past
I don't want any now
I want nenek, atok, bibik casmi, tok wok, abah.....
I want them all back like how we used to be
I hate now
I hate how even hari raya is gloomy for us
how we were like so don't know where to go the first day of hari raya and we end up watching tv dkat rumah instead
it hurt everyday.......
it hurt to see mom working sooo hard just to put a smile on our face
how excellently she hides her sorrow
~sigh~
happy father's day, mom